No Color Again
December 24th, 2007 by Pete
Back in the 13th Century, the Dominican friar and mystic, Meister Eckhart, once observed, “It is because the eye has no color that we see color.”
Of course, he was referring to the conea of the eye, that normally transparent windscreen through which Consciousness looks out at the manifest world. That seeing is also conditioned by our ’self-consciousness’, but that’s another story.
You may remember that my corneas were badly injured some years ago by a working-bee accident and that because they became ‘colored’ instead of transparent, I could no longer see colors etc.
Since then, I’ve had several corneal transplants that have restored some useful eyesight from time to time, but these transplants have a limited life and that’s why they have to be ‘redone’.
Last August, my previous graft, which had lasted ten years, turned up its toes and I had to go back to no eyesight again though the seeing continued on uninterrupted.
My ophthalmic surgeon here in Perth made it plain that after so many other transplants and some arising complications, the likelihood of another successful graft was very slim, but that he would give it a go nevertheless.
So, when suitable donated tissue suddenly became available a week ago, I had the operation at RPH. Although my eyelids are still stitched together, the initial indicatiions are that the procedure went well and there is no doubt that I will once again have some useful sight, but how much and for how long is not something anyone can predict.
Of course, our satsang community here has been aware of my situation as have been a numberof my correspondents around the world, and I’ve received so many expressions of love, support and good wishes for the operation etc. that all this positive energy has been extraordinarily uplifting. For all these and those unexpressed but felt, Pearl and I are most profoundly grateful.
Because so many have held this situation in Consciousness, there has been from the outset a ‘peace that passes understanding’ about whether eyesight is to be in the picture for Pete from now on or not. Naturally, I have my preferences, but overall, I know that it is good if it happens and good if it doesn’t. Eyesight matters, of course, but not absolutely.
The only thing that matters absolutely is seeing which has nothing to do with fleshy corneas, but with disidentifying from the egoic self (little me) and seeing What we really are.
When the “I” that I am has no color (no discrimination), then all the colors are seen and what is seen, is recognised as the true Self that is all. What unabated joy there is in this seeing that cannot be touched by bodily frailty or imperfection.
It is this joy that has no opposite or cause that Pearl and I trust you will experience at this festive time when we celebrate the birth of awakening Consciousness in our midst.
Your ever well-wisher,
This entry was posted on Monday, December 24th, 2007 at 11:44 am and is filed under Seeing, News, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
January 9th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
pete,
having recently found your blog, i began reading and am overjoyed at the teachings found there! i am not fond of telling “personal stories” but after reading this entry, it seemed good to pass one along.
many seekers seem to think that when one awakens, “bad things” somehow stop happening and life only dishes out the sweets from then on. what folly! it is these “bad things” that expose the divine within. last september, my wife died of metastasized breast cancer after 22 years of marriage. i cherished her like no other, save our two children.
only three days after a radical awakening experience (spontaneous self-disidentification), which has left (no)me in a most profound state of peace, i learned of the cancer. it was april 6th, 2004 - the day after her birthday. i was out of town on a contract, working in seattle, washington. she did not want to spoil my birthday wishes, so she held off telling me a day.
the apparent irony of this confluence of events could not be escaped - such incredible bliss and auspicious occasion, colliding with horrible, nightmarish circumstance, all heaped upon this poor creature at once (on the heels of april fools day, no less)! yet there was never any suffering. there was the deepest of sorrow and pain but these were all experienced in the moment - vertically, if you will. they did not play out in time/mind. for days, i wept in “waves” - sobbing spontaneously and uncontrollably for several seconds and then perfect calm. it seemed so very odd at the time. it was as though i had lost my mind - and i had, or at least a goodly portion of it!
during the years that followed, even as her symptoms grew worse and the cancer ravaged her body, the underlying peace was unshaken and undiminished. after she died, this caused my few friends and acquaintances to believe i must be repressing my emotions and they counseled me to “let it out”. i cannot say i grieved for her in any conventional sense. it is clear to me that the “grieving” we normally speak of is self-centered. my self mercifully died prior to hers.
when i first visited her grave after the funeral, i saw there was no point to it. i placed the flowers, turned to my daughter and said, “she’s not here. let’s go home.” in my heart i knew that gayle is as she ever was - pure awareness, only now unshackled by the frailty of human form and as much or more a part of me than ever. even more joy is found in the knowledge that this body will soon join hers as dust and that whatever may be left of “me” will dissolve into Eternity.
there is no sense of loss here, for there was never any gain. there is no need for any thing for there is none here to need a thing. there is only a sea of calm, with the odd storm mixing it up somewhere on the surface from time to time. but this ocean of peace runs deep and is impervious (but not oblivious) to such events.
these things have been said by Self (Atman) to Self, in order that you might be strengthened in the knowledge that there are those who can indeed empathize with great understanding and compassion and yet know that truly, You are as impervious as the deep blue sea itself.
peace, Beloved, peace!
patrick